This is when...

This time falls hard on my shoulders each year. Nothing to plan, nothing to look forward to in the immediate future..nothingness. It causes me to reach deep, way in... to stay put when all neurons fire to send me screaming from this life that is mine.

I love the movie The Family Man with Nicholas Cage (I'm sure I've said this before..). There are more than a few times a year I awaken in my bed and think "where the hell am I?". Then I spend my day looking in, thinking, "who's life is this?"

"Was this the course I was on?" and "Holy shit, when did that happen?" Then I get a little wrapped up in the whole "like it's SO awful you miserable, cranky bitch" mode. But really...my life was so much MORE, so big, for so long..and now, well, it's little.

Winter does this to me...I feel small, I feel cold, I fell NEGATIVE...I hide in my house..I miss the sun on my skin, the wind around me..I need the windows open..I need to NOT bundle up when I leave my house...

I HATE NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But this winter when we get snow every 2 days, ice and snow that cancels or delays school, snow that piles up and makes the world dingy and grungy...it makes me live in the land of the negative.

This was how it looked outside my window just the other day.



Pretty, right? Sure, look a little closer..



That my friends, is ice, built up on each and every tree branch, twig and stick.



In my normal mode, I would love the beauty of the blue sky and of the mountains beyond...right now, not so much.

I do however, enjoy this photo..



If you look closely, you can see the melting drips. Spring is surely right around the corner.