Forgive, not forget, but move on.

So this post won't be about knitting, or dogs or kids. This post will serve to clear my mind of what has taken place in the last 24 hours. I suppose that calls fair warning, stop now if you so choose.

OK, those of you who decided to stay on, bear with me. To say I have a complicated family is to understate by a million. My sisters, are sisters you might find in a story book. Direct slander, direct lies, direct nastiness. Sadly, all based in some familial jealousy crap. As I have said before, there are not 2 people I feel LESS related to than my own 2 sisters. The lies, slander and nastiness hit full throttle 20 years ago almost, and while one sister apologized and corrected her actions at the time, and I forgave her,yes, and moved on, yes. (only to be slammed again a few short years later - but that's a story for another day.)

My other sister has never bothered to apologize - FOR ANYTHING. This sister has just about a 5 year cycle of nasty/nice nasty/nice. It's crazy. Truth be told, this sister has always been a raging bitch, and well, never up for Miss Congeniality. As an adult, rather than mellowing, it's gotten progressively worse. To the point where 2 years ago for reasons never really fully divulged, she informed my parents that she wanted nothing more to do with them. EVER. In the last 2 years, my parents have moved from the pain to the acceptance that whatever was going on with her was nothing they could be a part of fixing. Sad. Very VERY sad. But no one could really get any kind of answer what her real issue with any of the family, so really what can any one do?

All of this brings me to yesterday, when at 8 am this particular sister's spouse appeared on my parent's doorstop. He told them my sister was in the hospital, that she had a brain aneurysm, and that that she was going to have surgery some time very soon. My parents were obviously upset. Regardless of what has gone on in the last 24 months she is their child. I don't actually have any quarrel with what they feel and how they are responding. How could I?

I do, however, feel they are setting themselves up for future slams. I don't trust this person, not one teeny tiny bit. I haven't truly trusted her ever I don't think, but if there is one thing the last 20 years have taught me, I can forgive, but I won't forget, and yes, I'll even move on...but I always have that little lightbulb in the corner..flashing "Warning" "Warning".

The saddest part of all? While I'm sorry she's not well, I'm not really effected by the news. I have never held hope in my heart for any form of sisterhood with either of my sisters, which is why I am so fiercely loyal to my friends. My friends are truly the sisters I never had. I trust them implicitly, with everything. Sadly, I don't trust either of my sisters past the end of my arm. I've been knifed in the back by them both too many times.

Here's a funny observation. In the last 20 years I can count on 1 hand the number of people I gave any information about my sisters to. I now have blogged. I have felt that my silence was a way for covering up for them, I never wanted people to know how horrible they were to me, fearing that somehow, they might think somewhere in my heart I was the same kind of person. That it always what has hurt the most. I would never intentionally go out of my way to hurt someone, these two actually enjoy it. I am not, and never have been, proud to own up to our siblinghood. My sisters are singlehandledly the reason I never wanted to have a large family of my own.

Now for 3 answers to the questions you may have coming to the end of this post.

Question 1 - Is there an addiction issue that would cause all this behavior? Not that I know of. Question 2 - how is she today? I don't actually know, the Doctors don't agree on if they should operate of send her home (huh?) Question 3 - Are you going to visit her? I've been asked this quite a bit, and the answer is no, I may be many things, but I'm not a phony. I'll send a card wishing her well, and a speedy recovery.

I guess my bottom line is, I have forgiven her for whatever pain she has caused, but I haven't forgotten. More importantly, I have moved on, and made the "family" around our little world at the top of the hill the one I wish I had been born into.